Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
