did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Randomize
