I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
