Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
this beer tastes like vomit already
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
