I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
