Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
