it was like his penis was on wheels.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
