Kiss
Puke
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Let's paint friendship bongs
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
