Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
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