i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
