you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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