She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Actions speak louder than pants.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
