My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
