they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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