I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
