Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
