I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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