she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize