and you said cock pushups were impossible
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
