this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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