i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
