I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
