And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
