you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
