you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
