the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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