why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
