This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
