At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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