i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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