so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
