If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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