it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
