we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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