I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize