in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
