cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
