maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
sex in a hospital.. check
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
