Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
