So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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