I will die if light touches me.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
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