no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
