I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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