He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
