ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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