And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
