goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
