I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize