You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
