I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
