Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize