Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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