what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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