I just threw up on my dentist
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
