Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
