Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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