one word: firstdatebathroomanal
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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