Already got asked if we're dating
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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