he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
