Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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