A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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