Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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