Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
