can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
