these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
