is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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