That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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