you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Randomize
