everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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