at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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