Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
