im having a threesome with these popsicles
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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