I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
